Here is a little story that unraveled itself once upon a time in Kauai....
Sit down, pour a glass of wine, and allow yourself to be taken on a little journey to Kauai, Hawaii, onto the grounds of an 86 year old woman's home and just add my German auntie's 1950's bikini that was just handed down to me in Germany...
I just heard Doreen Virtue, queen of angel tarot decks and readings, say that she was pulling from an original deck, because it had a lot of depth, rawness and authenticity in it. Lately, many bands I loved from my teens have been showing up on my radar, ie U2 and Prince giving me messages in their earliest releases....there seem to be codes in there that are now ready to activate something in me....
the point is, when we are raw and unedited and DRIVEN to share a work, before it is compared to something previous, it has that wildness, that genuine art from the source in it. Not to prove anything or meet quotas, etc.
This has given me confirmation and courage to share a series of selfies I took while recovering from a deep experience of unrequited love. There are photos I could pose and re-enact, but these were taken with a self timer, BECAUSE I HAD TO DO something to express my situation.
Relax and press play, and see if you can find a place in yourself where this has played out.
Note the last shot being of a swimming pool in the dark....I view this so symbolically as a man made womb, returning into the dark night of the soul, only to be reborn via the alchemy of art and self-expression. I made these impromptu style, with an Olympus point and shoot, and uploaded them in sequence as a slide show to music, and voila - it told ME the story once I viewed it. There are many layers there for me and it has a shamanic quality for the viewer. Imagine walking the gardens of Marilyn Monroe's home...sitting in her bedroom, looking at her swimming pool. She had it all, but she was an orphan, looking for love. The tale of the movie icon, yet in the end lonely and scared.
What is interesting is that it felt like I had made a movie after. Like a door opened. 3 weeks later I met my Twin Flame and 6 mos after that I had my first iphone and instagram account. I was hooked to be able to manipulate photos right in the palm of my hand. Since this time I have been documenting my environment in Hawaii and my inner process through selfies. As much stigma as there is around this, for those of us who have identity issues, it is a wonderful way to reflect. I owe much healing to this art form in our fast-paced high-tech age.
I may have been a high fashion model in my teens, but my inside did not measure up to what was happening and being offered on the outside. It has taken me decades to appreciate and share the work that I did. We are layered with so much shame, no matter how photogenic we are. Although I have more layers of fat now than ever before, I embraced it whole heartedly in these images and took the opportunity of the era to feature my body in a more acceptable way.
Body image issues are an epidemic and, honestly, a complete waste of your time, but you can't get over it by force. It is my duty and inspiration to eradicate these belief systems through sharing a photo session with you for you to explore yourself in contrast and with the essence of nature.
In summary, had I not had that heart break, I would not have sought out self expression. If I did not have the courage to make it public, I would not have had the courage to ask to photograph other people. As of spring 2015, I have built a portfolio out of sheer love of imagery and the beauty of people. My public service announcement is, thank pain as an impetus, and it is never too late to do what you love!
As I pondered publishing this slide show called Representing, I dared myself to do a spontaneous photo shoot on my street, with chair and hat, and lo and behold, thanks to the selfie stick, I popped this out, lightly inspired by the movie Cabaret. So, here you have August 2016, age 47 and I enjoyed all parts of it! #itsnevertoolatetobecreative
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Viva Heart Courage!
