Thursday, March 15, 2018

Yoga (Damn) Nation - A cry out for a yoga revolution


Yoga (Damn)Nation, Yoga - Blow-gah
 - a cry for help to yoga studio owners for a yoga revolution!

I don’t want this to fester any longer if I want to create change in the world, but I have been traumatized by the current climate of yoga.



Now, we know that these 4 letters Y O G A hold a vast amount of definitions, which at it’s most basic is union.  In the Western world we may be motivated by it because we might actually practice it for union with breath, union with body and soul or union with community in a positive atmosphere. When I first was exposed to yoga, before there were yoga studios, coffee shops or cell phones,
my friend’s motivation was as a purist from the hatha yoga tradition, in order to bring healing that he had experienced himself via yoga.  He gained an immediate, strong following.  He was so sincere, goofy and committed. Every class began with introducing his story of how yoga healed him, asking if anyone there had injuries and to raise your hand if you ever needed assistance.  He always offered modifications.

Backstory: I am a child of the 60’s and a product of the seeds that were planted then.  I grew up on the North Shore of Hawaii with weed dealing vegetarian surfer parents, I could do full lotus pose as long as I can remember - even though I am not that flexible, I still can do it now as a result.  

I remember in late 80’s Germany, I went from reading pre-teen detective stories to whatever I could find of interest on my mother’s book shelf: Carlos Castaneda, Charles Bukowski, Playboy Interviews, the Mucusless Diet & Healing System (on juice fasting from 1922) and The Complete Illustrated Book of Yoga, by Swami Vishnu Devananda….I was obsessed with that book, and it planted a seed inside of me that that was the way - the secrets of life guide book.  Except I never did it and I didn’t know anyone else who did any type of yoga, still, I considered it a bible. I simply had no other references. I was 15.

Fast forward to my late 20’s. I had met many a spiritual person after traveling to India at 19, including some lovely people who actually used the word ‘Namaste’ with fire in their heart and truth in their belly.  Now, this was finally my chance.   I could barely take a breath - it was so confronting. My impatience, my stiffness, the breathing - I could not stop the clock watching...and did I mention the breathing? It always ended in tears and I did, in fact, walk out several times, thinking, I am not putting myself through this.  I continued to avoid it like the plague, although I still completely believed in it and still had it on pedestal - except myself - I put myself in the dog house and yoga far, far away in a distant land that took secret passageways to find and unlock in order to get there. 

Mind you, I had undiagnosed childhood trauma and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).  I spent a decade with chronic back problems, fibromyalgia in my neck, shoulders and arms and joint pain. I hated being in my body. After several outings with energy medicine gadgets and techniques, I was actually able to clear my PTSD and release some old emotional baggage, freeing up the disc space of pain in my body. In having viewed yoga as absolute torture to me, I decided to give it another spin. This time: hot yoga.  I hit all of my barriers, and moved and cried and sweat through them using internal emotional freedom technique dialogue. My pain melted away.  


Newly being sold on yoga as the quintessential reluctant yogi, I got certified in Hawaii.  With all of my other healing modalities I offer, this title was surely the most global and acceptable.  You can get away with anything being a yoga teacher.  You can share whatever you want and people will at least be a willing and captive audience for that time. That aside, I was super inspired and had super incentive to help people cure their ailments….as I had.  Except: I could not find anywhere to teach.  No studio returned my phone calls, nobody showed up to the public spaces I was advertising for free yoga classes - just to gain experience.Shockingly, I did not do yoga for f o u r years after that. I had a high sensitivity to mold and not a lot of energy, yet from one day to the next, I decided to check out some alternative yoga on youtube. I really started grooving with one, it was challenging and very different and I felt AMAZING.  I googled classes and found one in our nearest city, an hour away. Coincidentally, FB told me they were doing a teacher training on island at the end of the month.  I was amazed, I thought the timing could not be any better and promptly signed up for a 2 day training. 

Needless to say, the first thing that needed to happen is that I needed to get more experience with that style and went to the local boutique-style yoga studio, a laid back beach community with boho-chic style and a full class schedule. After 4 years of zero yoga and a 2 hour round trip travel time, I was nervous and excited to make this kind of investment in myself.  A new beginning.

 Yet upon arrival, I had the unfriendliest, most unprofessional receptionist I had ever encountered, in an Aloha-state no less, and I paid for a month of unlimited classes.  Self-conscious of my physique and to be out in public again, my years having gained on me, naturally I claimed the back row of the studio.  The teacher came in, a class of approx 8, did not introduce herself or acknowledge any new faces who may be new to this unique style of yoga. She performed the class, without ever lifting her head or eyes towards the students.
The music was so loud, I could not understand any directions she gave out loud and had to stand up for half of the class to see or figure out what she was even doing.  I was not given any modifications or treated as a new student.  No fellow practitioners ever turned their head or made eye contact.  I left stunned - what had the yoga world come to? Who were they saying Namaste to at the end with their eyes closed?  Who were they bowing to?
I still felt good.  I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and continued to travel to class, taking it from two different teachers.  I had so many questions, yet I was never able to connect to a teacher before or after class, I still had no idea what their names were, I never received a modification and the receptionist was still so unbelievably rude as can be, every time I wanted to sign in, she told me my name was too difficult and to do it myself.

 After 3 weeks, No smiles or aloha had been exchanged with neither a teacher nor a fellow yogi.  The last week I attended, still with a wounded heart and resentment that this was the only place I could frequent, I walked in and the owner was sitting at the receptionist desk.  I was relieved. Yes, as I approached, she did not greet me, she did not look up, I asked how much a single class was, she exchanged money with me without saying ‘Aloha', 'thank you', or ‘have a great class’….my blood was boiling.
My teacher training was finally upon me and I went to the other side of the island with joi de vivre, with adventure and delight to be making this investment in myself and possibly into the future of others physical and emotional freedom that I so desired to share with folks of all shapes and sizes.  I arrived frazzled, because the organization never returned my emails, I only found out the location last minute and it was very hard to locate.

It was a $700 investment and I arrived to nobody greeting me.  There were 35 women already in the midst of a class at 9 am, in the hot sun, on cement.  The core of the class was in a tiny building, so I had to join the overspill out on the concrete, with nobody having any idea what posture was being taught.
The advertised celebrity teacher was not present and only one teacher, no assistants.  The receptionist from my yoga studio and one of my teachers were there.  Not one person made eye contact with me the entire time.  I was desperate to meet other local women and teachers, yet the lack of organization, communication and each person’s perhaps lostness only created an atmosphere of isolation and separation - the opposite of what the culture of this particular yoga promotes. I did not learn how to teach this style and whether adjustments, corrections nor modifications were offered.

 After 2 days, I still did not know my yoga teacher’s name, nor anyone else’s in the training, no new FB friends and no follow up via email from the company, nor responses to my inquiries that the training was misrepresented.  After repeated emails, they only offered a $40 coupon toward their site and no explanations.
It is safe to say that I have not taken a yoga class since then, making the 2 hour round trip and being in an asinine environment - why leave your house to practice yoga if you are only met as a ghost? I fell so hard from this experience that I am having to build a very clear and solid foundation of my own to translate the space I wish to hold for people.  Yoga teachers and studio owners have got to understand that people do not just walk into their studio or class by accident - they come because they are in NEED - need of breathing, movement, connection, HELP.  When we practice together, there is more accountability for actually completing a class - we are in this TOGETHER.


MY CRY FOR HELP: 10 Tips to improve for a yoga revolution
1. Safety first: always make your clients feel welcome. 

2. Customer service: always greet your customers.  Hire a receptionist based on their smile or ability to remember names. Good customer service is the foundation for all good business

3. have your teachers introduce themselves and announce their class, I have often found myself in the wrong class

4. have your teachers ask if there are any brand new students to the studio and welcome them, offering to answer any questions after class

5. be extra nice to women of a certain age.  They are self conscious of their bodies and made a bold choice to come and show up - encouraging body positivity is a plus
6. always consider that a person is in a YOGA class because they are working on some form of stress in their live, whether it is old PTSD still stuck in their body, not being able to find a parking spot or trying to raise a puppy - this is NOT a gym!!! A yoga studio should feel more like a refuge and a temple of goodness, so please offer modifications if you see they are struggling, people get touched so little as it is, one touch of their shoulders being guided to the ground can release so much for the yogi
7. Practicality: please have more than 1 spray bottle to clean mats with if you have any type of hot yoga or yoga that makes you sweat (consider at least 3 sets of paper towels and spray bottles)
8. Hire a cleaner.  The AC vent and ceiling fans should be free of heavy rolls of dust.  Trust me, when people are laying down in sevasana, they do not want to be staring at grime 

9.  put your students on your email list, they may enjoy knowing changes to your schedule and teachers
10. Say ‘thank you’ for coming when they leave - it means a lot for people to show up and I am sure it means a lot to the yoga teacher that people show up - let them know, they will be motivated to return then if they also feel appreciated



It is mind boggling that there is no place to actually give a poor critique online - I searched high and low for any negative feedback from previous teacher trainings.  I truly can not imagine how those 2 days could have been satisfying to anyone to now be qualified to teach their yoga - it was completely irresponsible. People are most likely paid to scrub the internet for any contra. 

 The Hawaii studio has lost my business for good and they sure ain’t missing me, because they didn’t even know I was there - at least that is how they made me feel. The impact one good teacher and one good class can have on one person, can truly be life changing.  Are you going to be a teacher who is inclusive of healing…or exclusive?

Giving one genuine Namaste to a client and making them feel safe and seen, that is true responsibility in the service industry.  I hold the vision of all yoga being a service to body, mind and soul and that all teachers step into their power to hold that integrity for their students. Viva la revolution! 


Photos by Magicwoodstudios.us

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

I see you. I know.

I see you.  I know.


How to create safety when you are facing major life changes



X  X  X

“IN MY APPRECIATION I OFFER NO RESISTANCE”
(Abraham Hicks)



Change is never pleasant, when in fact, it is the only thing certain and constant.  Our mind always remains hopeful to a form of happily ever after, whether that is in a home environment, work or work out routine or a relationship that we are hanging onto for dear life because we know what the potential could be.  And yet the seasons come and go and we have to adapt and bend with the winds of change. Still, the mind can never understand, yet the body knows the discomfort with our resistance and fatigue with a situation.  


Then comes the choice: sh*t or get off the pot.  When our bodies can not handle going to the same job for one more day, when our inner dialogue is so worn out by not being heard yet again by a certain someone, when things are falling apart and you simply can not hold the pieces together anymore - there comes a point where you must choose your own self respect.  As scary as the unknown seems, the unknown sounds way better than what you are experiencing.  


Opening to change
How do we turn our back to the old picture and confidently face the wild unknown? We start with acknowledgment.  Find the highlights, find the grace, discover the beauty of what you were given.  But it wasn’t fair! I was so misunderstood! I trusted them and they failed me!
And that too.  Yet we can not move forward when we are still a victim.  Rewind.  Look at the steps you have taken that have brought you here. It wasn’t pretty, it was challenging and you survived it.  Allow yourself to acknowledge what other opportunities, which other qualities emerged for and from you as a result of your life situation? Are you still a good person, a contributing member of society? You can do this.  Even if part of us feel we have failed our own expectations of outcomes, view and accept what did unfold and the silver linings with it - what is part of you now that you did not possess before?


I find myself looking out at the sparkles on the water before me, in the comfort of a gloriously modern loft with white walls and high ceilings, watching herons lift their wings, seagulls glide over the water and land in it with ease and swans float by curiously. I have been plucked out of the jungles of Hawaii, next to new earth pumping out of the mountain and have landed in the chilly air of Amsterdam, right on a canal.  It is dead silent.  There are options to go to dances, to engage, to mingle with art at museums.  And yet here I stand, transfixed by this time travel into an old earth, with dark buildings across the way and heavy clouds above.  


I feel lost.  I have nothing going for me.  Nobody knows I am here. My calendar is empty.  I might be running on empty soon. The language is much more challenging to pronounce than I had anticipated.  I feel weak - nobody to call, nobody to cry to, nobody to complain to.  Miraculously, I made it here. But what now.  It is freezing out.  I do not want to move.  I am afraid to say:

“I am this, I can do this, let me help you with such and such, feel good about engaging me and investing your time with me”.  I am nobody.  I just left the world I knew to come stand at this edge and face the unknown.  And I am ashamed that my calendar is empty and that I created this.  I am standing here feeling so isolated and irrelevant, unworthy and yet most of all - unappreciated.  



If our relationships via our hearthship are not being invested in, how do we know that we are valued and appreciated? If time is not being shared or invested in us, how do we spray our name with confidence into the space of the world, when it seems it evaporates as we attempt to make our mark and feel we are part of the game.  This deep unappreciation is where I went.  I turned the music up and danced and wept it out.  I called on all of my ancestors, felt my mother’s and grandmother’s unappreciation and irrelevance and sent them so much appreciation.  I felt so weak, such depth of failure and abandonment, I called on Mother Mary, Marilyn Monroe, Mother Theresa, Mini Mouse and every woman and archetype who has tried to make a difference - they all stood at the edge with me behind my back in this cosmic cave of despair.


As grief poured like rain out of my eyes, as the spring sprung and my will cracked, the clouds parted across the way and the sun shone through like a spotlight, filling my face and my heart space with light and warmth.  In that moment, I was no longer alone, I had shared in a deep well of experience that all have gone before me. I opened my eyes and looked around: I was seeing through eyes of objectivity and reward:
I saw the white walls, not the endless weeds that need to be pulled in the jungle, I saw the tall ceilings that availed me silence and introspection and safety, not the call of the wild pulling me in 100 directions at once.  I made it here, I called this in, I am remarkable to have the guts to say YES to a new adventure, with no safety promised.  My mouth edges easily went up as this great appreciation grew in my chest, my eyes welled like a legion of angels witnessing great courage with pride and glory - witnessing - yes, magic exists, if we can believe  it, we can perceive it - and here I stood in my manifestation and took it all in with great strength.




This was no small thing, in fact, appearing like a miracle in this moment. I felt such expansiveness at the shamanic journey that had occurred inside of me, sending all of these revelations and discovery of personal power into the canal to be sent out to all who came in contact with this water and through the ethers. Surely, I could capture this moment in a selfie - which could not touch the worlds and galaxies that felt had celestially expanded inside of myself - certainly what reflected back paled in comparison, yet I suspended judgement as I continued on my appreciation journey. With every cell, I felt: I see you, what you have created, I know what it took, what pain and discomfort, what visioning, what conviction to get here.  Here you are.  You did it.  Bravo.



We can hear until we are blue in the face that the answers lie inside of ourselves…yet we can’t know unless we go to the edge of our biggest fears, face the unknown, since the known has not fulfilled our expectations and open to discerning whether fear is really fear or an invitation to have a cellular revolution with self appreciation.  This form of allowing yourself to see your choices objectively, just as you may be able to see the strength of all of your ancestors brave choices for new worlds, is really the last frontier of approval you really need - the literal inside joke of this divine comedy called life.


So next time you feel the fear of a new dawn, turn around and appreciate what you have left on your canvas thus far and welcome the next miracle already coming.  Only you can create the safety you require to move forward by leaning back and being able to receive your own delight. This is how we collectively will change our world, one appreciation at a time.   #IseeyouIknow



Images made from the selfie of my eyes full of self appreciation & strength as it was dawning on
me….  :)


Poem by Starhawk

Hear the words of the Star Goddess,
the dust of whose feet are the hosts of heaven,
whose body encircles the universe:
"I who am the beauty of the green earth
and the white moon among stars
and the mysteries of the waters,
I call upon your soul to arise
and come unto me.
For I am the soul of nature
that gives life to the universe.
From Me all things proceed
and unto Me they must return.
Let My worship be in the heart that rejoices,
for behold—
all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals.
Let there be beauty and strength,
power and compassion,
honor and humility,
mirth and reverence within you.
And you who seek to know Me,
know that your seeking and yearning
will avail you not,
unless you know the Mystery:
for if that which you seek,
you find not within yourself,
you will never find it without.
For behold,
I have been with you
from the beginning,
and I am that which is attained

at the end of desire."


If you want to work with Veruschka and this resonates, this is probably the next best thing, ask her about it:
http://www.gypsyrosechariot.com/yoni-health.html